What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 02:24
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I think the readers, may guess!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why do females hate MGTOW so much?
As i do to all so called friends.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She found it foreign!.
Can I fix a fridge leak myself, or should I call a pro?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was in good health!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She loved him until the end.
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Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why am I not getting any atheists to debate with? Are they scared?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One cannot live in the past .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
At what stage in your life did you realize, "No, I can't do this any more" and walk out? Why?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
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I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
How do you emotionally react to when others seem to feel sorry for you?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
So whats the point in blame.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why is social media so anti-fee speech, and have they become total BS?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Put me off passion for life!!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We were not on the streets..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why did i forgive my father ?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So, i spoilt her more .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But, we were locked up after school.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She wouldn,t have been !
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im still living with it.
I waited trembling.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He resisted the act ,that day.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Who then, do I blame.?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Ive learnt so much.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
When she asked me how she looked .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
All the time i was locked up.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My family never makes their pension either.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was 9 years of age.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She married twice! .
I said to her
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My life is so biszare .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We all went to grammer schools
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was scared of men, in general
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And i lived it daily.
I write beautiful poetry .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I have no regrets .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
This is soul school!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was seconnd youngest,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Comes on , in middle age.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But it wasn’t much.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was very sick at this time too.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He knew the spot.
Would this be the day?
I will be 64.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It was going to be , some day.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
What did i know ?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im dying but, im not bitter.